11th ANNIVERSARY

It's been 11 years today, and I can't believe it. I was sitting on my couch on a Friday night having a drink and watching Hercules (the cartoon) when Laird called my house. It is hard to really sort out what happened for the next few days after that. I remember going to the airport in disbelief. Mom, Karen, Joe, Marcela and Grandpa were gone, and we didn't have any details on the others. Which just new everyone else had been taken to two hospitals in San Bernadino.

That was probably the hardest part. Not knowing what was going on with those who survived the accident. We got on a plane out of Portland at 10:30 that night, flew threw Las Vegas, and finally landed at LAX the next morning at 5:30am. We then drove straight to San Bernadino County Hospital trying to find my dad. They said they didn't have Smokey, RuthAnn or Jay admitted there, but come to find out they were still listed as Jane and John Does. We found Jay first. He was conscious and in pretty good shape all things considered. He would have to have surgery on his leg, but he would be okay. RuthAnn was in ICU, and was tubed for her breathing when I first saw her. She was conscious and her eyes were so scared, but she couldn't speak. The trauma to her face was so extensive, I hardly recognized her. After some more searching we finally found my dad down in the ER. He hadn't been injured, but they had given him a sedative and a bed, until someone could come and get him. Gary and Tricia were much worse off, and had been take to Loma Linda - a great hospital with a renowned trauma center. Gary and Tricia were still unconscious, and Tricia was the worst off. They had to relieve pressure in her brain, and had a drain coming out of her head.

The funerals were a week later. Grandpa and Marcela first, with a break in between where we found out that RuthAnn had passed away. Then it was on to mom's. We helped prepare the bodies at the funeral home prior to the viewings and funerals. We felt blessed that mom didn't have any bruises on her, she hadn't even broken a nail. But poor Marcela and Grandpa didn't look as good.

You would think that after 11 years the hole wounded be so pronounced, but as anyone who has lost someone unexpectedly knows - it just doesn't seem to go away. I still catch myself getting irritated that my mom didn't call me on my birthday - and then it sinks in again. I want so badly to be able to call mom and ask her about things I did as a little girl. I look at Josi and Rhylee and wonder if I was like them, or if we are complete opposites. They know that their other grandma is an Angel - but don't really understand the implications of what that means. Thankfully their Grandma they have here is incredible.

I hate this day rolling around every year, and wonder if it will always hit me so hard.